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Parenting a neurodivergent child isn’t the calm, picture-perfect motherhood I once imagined. There are moments of joy, yes—but also moments of frustration, overwhelm, and, sometimes, shouting. This is my honest story of shouting, tears, and how I faced the heavy weight of mum guilt that followed.

When ADHD Meets Real-Life Parenting

My daughter’s ADHD means every day is different. Some days we breeze through homework, meal prep, and bedtime. Other days? Not so much. And on those tough days, I’ve lost my patience—and my voice. Shouting happens. And when it does, the ADHD parenting mum guilt hits hard.

The Guilt After the Shouting

ADHD parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I’m learning to extend grace to myself, just as I extend it to her. The mum guilt still visits sometimes, but I no longer unpack and live there. And that, I think, is a win.

If you’ve ever shouted, cried, and felt that heavy guilt, know this: you’re not alone. Parenting ADHD is messy and beautiful, and we’re all learning as we go.This morning, like many others, ended in tears—mine, not hers.

I shouted. I did. I hate even writing it. That sharp, brittle tone that doesn’t belong in our home… but it escaped anyway.

Then came the familiar wave: regret, guilt, shame. I cried quietly once she left for cricket, knowing full well she went off into her day with sunshine in her voice while I stayed behind feeling like the worst mother in the world.

Healing & Moving Forward

After shouting, I cried. I cried because I felt I’d failed her. I cried because I know she struggles with emotional regulation, and I want to be her safe space. I cried because the love I have for her is so big, yet in that moment I felt small. On the hardest days, I turn to my ADHD parenting tools – they’ve helped me reseet and reconnect with her when emotions run high.

What I’ve Learned About ADHD Parenting & Mum Guilt

• Taking a break is better than reacting in the heat of the moment.
• Apologising teaches emotional regulation and repair.
• Forgiving yourself is key to moving forward.

The Late Mum

I’ve always been the kind of person who shows up five minutes early. I’d rather wait in the rain than make someone wait for me. But with Lucia, we are always late. Last to school. Last to cricket. Last to playdates. Last to leave the house.

Mornings are chaos—“I can’t find my school bag!” … “My hair’s all wrong, I hate it!” … and then suddenly she’s singing into a spoon when we’ve got six minutes to leave. And I lose it. Because we have the charts. We have the routines. We’ve made the song game (get ready before it ends!). And still. We. Are. Late.

I don’t want to shout. I want to be the calm, grounded parent she needs. But I’m only human.

Supporting a Child with ADHD as a Mum in the UK

Lucia has an ADHD diagnosis. She is bright, funny, deeply creative—and easily dysregulated. Especially in the mornings when executive functioning is at its lowest.

We’re learning as we go. And some days it feels like a dance, other days like a tug of war. I have to remind myself (over and over again) that her brain doesn’t work like mine. That time blindness is real. That transitions are hard. That it’s not laziness. That she’s not ignoring me.

She’s trying. I’m trying. And still I cried today.

Why Mornings Are So Hard for ADHD Brains

Mornings demand a lot of things ADHD brains struggle with: planning ahead, switching tasks quickly, filtering distractions, staying on time. And for a child like Lucia, who wakes up full of music and ideas but can’t always find her shoes, mornings feel more like pressure than possibility.

It’s not defiance. It’s overwhelm. It’s nervous systems not quite ready to cope. And while I know this in theory, in the moment—when we’re running late again—it’s hard to stay soft. But this knowledge helps me try. It gives me something to hold onto when I feel lost in the frustration.

https://www.additudemag.com/executive-function-adhd-kids-lagging-skills

The Invisible Load and the Realities of Mum Guilt

What’s hard is the silence that comes after. When she’s gone for the day and I sit with the aftermath. I should be working. I should be doing the things I can’t do when she’s around. But I sit there stuck. Because the emotional labour of parenting ADHD is constant.

No one sees the prep I do. The visual timetables. The laminated charts. The strategies, the timers, the planners, the meltdowns, the starts-again.

And no one warns you how much you’ll doubt yourself. Or how often you’ll Google things like:

• “How to stay calm parenting ADHD”
• “Morning routine strategies for ADHD kids UK”
• “Is it normal to feel like I’m failing as a mum?”

What Helps Us Right Now

A few things that have made a difference (even if just a small one):

• ✅ Playing a favourite upbeat song for her to get dressed before it ends
• ✅ Visual checklists on the fridge
• ✅ Letting go of the idea that we need to be on time for everything
• ✅ Deep breaths (mine), grounding tools (also mine)
• ✅ A reminder stuck to the kettle: “Her behaviour is not a reflection of your parenting. Your reaction is.”

🤍 Notes to Myself for Tomorrow

• She isn’t trying to upset you. She’s trying to cope.
• You’re not a bad mum. You’re a tired, loving one.
• Progress doesn’t always look like progress.
• It’s okay to cry after. It means you care.
• Tomorrow is a new chance — for both of you.

With love,
One tired but hopeful mum